Currently sitting here in a black out thanks to the storm we had late this afternoon. We’ve had pizza by candlelight (aka phone light) on the lounge room floor, I’ve bathed the kids with the help of their battery powered night lights (thank you #Kmart) and after listening to some relaxing music, the kids were successfully snuggled to sleep.
Still no power, but my trusty little laptop is hanging on with 47% battery so what better way to pass the time by making a start on my next blog...
The dreaded goodbye’s. Hands down the worst part about defence life is the goodbye’s. I’ve recently been blessed to have already met other women through this blog, many of those currently experiencing their first "goodbye". I won’t sugar coat it, they totally suck! The first few are by far the hardest, and although it doesn’t necessarily get easier, you learn to cope and adapt with each goodbye a little bit better. Perhaps its knowing that you survived the last one, so you know you'll survive the next one. This too shall pass. #amiright?
Some days you'll feel like you were superwoman and handled the day like a total BOSS! Some days you’ll feel like it’s all too much and you can’t do it. You’ll cry, eat a heck load of chocolate and maybe you'll develop a new profound love for Ben & Jerry’s.
Honestly though, take each day as it comes. If you tackle the day like a total boss, then #yougogirl! If you spend the whole day as an emotional mess well, that’s ok too. Have that big cry (hello puff eyes) and let it all out. You’re not expected to put on a brave face every day, you don’t have to tell everyone that you’re feeling OK. If you’re asked how you are coping it’s OK to say, “not so great today!”. Take each week as it comes. Over time you’ll learn to sleep alone without the lights on. Yes, I am in my mid 20’s and am still afraid of the dark #dontjudgeme.
Before Jimmy joined the defence force, if he went away camping, or away to help his Dad you would most likely find me at my Mum or Sister’s house or I would force a friend to come and stay the duration he was away. I didn’t like being left all alone. I didn’t like the quiet and I didn’t like the dark.
BUT, now! Well now I’m a fully independent, nothing fazes me kind of gal! Although I still get a little anxious at times (hello big storms and creepy noise!), I have adapted, and I no longer need to coax friends or family into staying with me. #winning
Truth be told, I occasionally enjoy the quiet nights. I do the usual witching hour, then once the kids are asleep I just chilll outtt! I don’t have to look after anyone but myself for the next few hours before I go to bed. Of course, this doesn’t include the 10 million times Billy and Elsie make their way to me, coax me into letting them come into my bed. I then find myself in the tiniest corner of the bed, scrunched up like a ball with no pillow, whilst the kids look like little darlings! Sleeping soundly on my comfortable memory foam pillow… I may have a corked neck now, but it’s totally worth those beautiful dark circles I often have out on display.
The goodbyes will always be the hardest however, I like to find the positives in every situation. Through all the times apart from my protector, my security blanket and my best mate I’ve learnt that I can do it. I have learnt to do things by myself that Jimmy would have always taken care of. I can mow my own lawn, I can deal with car issues and I can even remember to put the bins out!
I love my husband, and I always look forward to his homecoming but I’m thankful for what all these goodbyes have taught me. I can be independent, and I can hold down the fort until he’s home again. My heart will always feel happiest and most complete when he walks through that front door.
Each day is a day closer to him being home. I know we miss them and it can feel like apart of you is missing whilst they are away but remember they feel it too and they also have their good and bad days.
Sometimes I must remember… I’m only missing one person, one piece of my heart. But Jimmy, he is missing 3 people, 3 pieces of his heart.
You’ve got this, you can, and you will make it - trust me.
Love M. xx